January 4, 2012 | 
Author For the last few months, Steve and I have allowed our son Noah to do an on-line private school at home. It’s been an
education for me, to say the least. Anyone who knows me well knows I’m not an educator, at least in the classical sense. However, when it comes to life lessons, I think I should be a “Red Apple” recipient. Case and point: we were on our way home from the doctor’s office the other day and doing our customary drive thru of Dunkin Donuts. While waiting in line, I noticed Noah looking at my profile. I was thinking I must look striking to him with the sunlight hitting me just right. I was having a great hair day and my make-up seemed perfect. I thought that until my 13 year old son opened his mouth to speak. “Mom?” “Yes, Noah” I said adoringly to my wonderful son who obviously sees true beauty and whom I think will make a wonderful husband one day. “You know, you kind of look like you have a beard.”
Let’s just say he didn’t have time to blink before I slapped the back of his head. Or at least thought of doing that. It was time for one of those life lessons I’m so good at giving. I told him if he ever expected to make it in the real world, with real women and hopes of ever getting married, he should refrain from ever mentioning facial hair again. I even made an example of his mistake and shared it with his younger brother hoping he would be shocked at Noah’s complete lack of common sense and heartily empathize with me and the insensitive comment. No, Ethan basically said, “So?” Ugh. A mother’s work is never done. Thank heavens Rooster has learned not to upset the nest too much.
That same day, while we sat in the parking lot eating those donuts, Noah and I watched a couple of birds swoop in and out of the awning above a tire repair shop next door. He asked if I thought they were building a nest. I said yes and looked closer to see what they were carrying in their beaks. It looked like little bits of string and grass. When I thought about the location of the nest, I wondered if Mrs. Bird said to Mr. Bird, “Really? Tires? You think our chicks are going to enjoy the scent of grease and oil as soon as they pop out of the eggs, Roger? “ (I don’t know if Roger is really his name. Roger just seemed to go with Robin- Roger Robin) “And what about that obnoxious noise every time they loosen those tires? You might as well have moved us in by the dentist on 3rd street!” I know, I know. Ridiculous imagination. But there is a life lesson or two in this. First, “LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION!!!” and second, NEVER TRY TO PLEASE A PREGNANT WIFE, it’s truly useless.
All kidding aside, think before you make a decision that might land you in hot water. Maybe you’re thinking of buying the best house in the worst neighborhood because it’s a steal. Think twice, you should really buy the worst house in the best neighborhood and improve it. Perhaps you’re going to paint and you’re pretty sure “lemon-drop yellow” will go with the curtains you purchased two days ago but forgot to bring into the paint store. Obviously, with my paint track record, you know I’m well educated on that subject. Finally, measure twice! You do not want to know how many things I’ve bought and have had to take back and some I couldn’t even return. Rooster is not the most pleasant when it comes to discussing the state of our garage and my “mis-purchases”. Take my deep words of wisdom…use your head. The one that sits on top of your shoulders!
There! Your teacher has spoken. If you need me, I’ll be at the banquet receiving my “Red Apple” award. (And yes, I did shave first.)
